Highlights of This Year

Reason For Friendship

Caption: Derek's eating my hair. Don't ask why.

This is quite possibly the reason why Derek and I are such good friends. Enjoy.

Sometimes Love Just Isn't Enough

[NOTE] I stole this from my myspace blog because you can't read my myspace blog unless you're on my friends' list. So there.

December 6, 2006 8:06 pm

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately (surprise surprise) and it really just dawned on me, but more on that later. Right now, I'm gonna take you back to a few hours earlier on how I (with the help of a friend) came up with the notion that sometimes love isn't enough.

After my lab exam, I ran into one of the guys in my lab (for the sake of anonymity, we'll just call him Mr. X) outside looking for a place to check his email. Since he had a laptop with wireless built in, I suggested we go to the library.

Now, I don't really talk to Mr. X unless it bashing Ben and his booby-staring, but after today, he's just a really cool guy to talk to. Anyways, as soon as we got our wireless set up, we began talking about relationships. Okay, so I told him that Ben and I could never date because Ben would be a very bad boyfriend (he's a bad friend PERIOD) and Mr. X mentioned that he's on his third marriage and he's under 40!! Talk about bad relationships, but I really hope this one works out for him.

Then he asked about my relationships and if I had any bad ones. I just told him I don't have bad relationships; just ones I learn from. Before I could say anything else, wireless went out and I went to lunch.

A couple of hours later, I get home early and begin talking to a friend online. I got kinda depressed not because it's finals, but I've had a string of relationships that either (A) ended crappy which kinda makes me want to stay single for a while or (B) it's because I just stopped caring.

Which she came to the conclusion that sometimes love isn't enough to keep two people together, no matter what Captain and Tenille says. It really holds true. I mean, Mr. X is on his third marriage and despite going through hell and back, love didn't really matter but the kids and sex did.

As for me, one morning I woked up and I didn't think of Brett or the fact he's slowly dying. I just laid there, emotionless, staring up at the ceiling, not feeling anything for once in my life. I then realized that despite that I love him, I can't be with him. [UPDATE] I come to find out his cell phone number isn't working. Oh well....

Same goes for J. I'll always love and care for him, but sometimes you just need to be apart and then come back as friends. Right now, we have a great friendship and we're closer together than when we were actually together. And I'm really glad he's in my life right now because I need more people like him, Sebastian, Derek, Tiffany, Kaitlin, Jenn and many others.

Am I ruling out love? No and probably never will. Love is a huge part of a relationship, I know, but there's gotta be something else, you know?

Maybe I should just lay low for a while and only hang out with the people who care for me and make my life a little better and make me happy. For so long, I've been putting other people first, trying to make them happy and it has worked, but at what price? I'm stressing over other people who never cared for me that I've become really unhappy and really, who cares about me anyway?

I told Sebastian I want to be emotionless for a little while, just to see how the other side feels like. Honey, just this once, can I cry? I swear, after I finish writing this, I'll be emotionless.

Anyway... I just wanted to say that. You can bitch at me if you want. I don't care.

I'm going now.