Wednesday, November 08, 2006

When You Refuse Me, You Confuse Me

Current Mood: Wanting to lie on the floor
Currently Listening: Not Coming Home by Maroon 5

Updating this thing is a bitch, but someone has to do it.

First, I am sad to say that my beloved Uncle Hector has died of lung cancer a month ago. He was a great man who touched everybody's lives by being loving, caring and dependable to all. He was diagnosed almost a year ago and it was a tough struggle, but in the end, he's in a better place. I went to my aunt's house the other day to drop something off and when I asked how things were going, she began to cry. She found a poem in my uncle's room called "Safely Home". I wish I could find a copy of it, but to sum it all up, it just said: Please don't worry about me for I'm at home, safe and sound. It's sad to think about, but we all know he's in a better place, probably cha cha-ing with Jesus, Mary and Joseph while God and Grandma watch in delight.

May he rest in peace.

Second, the current boyfriend, Brett, hasn't spoken to me in weeks for some reason or another. Okay, yes, I know he has his shit to deal with, but seriously. For some reason, I have a feeling that he's doing this to "protect" me. I know he doesn't want me to worry about him because I have my own shit to deal with, but it just worries me more when he doesn't call or respond to text messages.

A part of me says: Stick it out for just a little bit; you love him and he loves you and yada yada yada. Another part of me says: Just forget about him; he's not doing anything to ease your mind off of things and blah blah blah. And then, there's the part where it says: Just be semi-single; that way you do some non-commital dating and still love your man.

Yeah, I just don't know.

And third, Jason and I started talking again. Yeah, I KNOW!! Before you ask, no, I don't think anything will happen again. He's got stuff to worry about that does not involve a relationship and so do I. But he has been pretty helpful lately, listening to everything and staying with me when my parents were out of town. I just have to remember not to call him any cutesy names for that annoys him.

I just feel like everything is going downhill from here. I got finals and yet, I'm still worried about other people's needs when I don't need to be. I'm worried about Brett and Jason and I know they'll be okay.

I don't think drama is inevitable.

As for my choice in song, well... if you listen to the lyrics, it's pretty much true.

When you refuse me, you confuse me
What makes you think I'll let you in again
Think again, my friend
Go on misuse me and abuse me
I'll come out stronger in the end

Does it make you sad
To find yourself alone
Does it make you mad
To see that I have grown
I'll bet it hurts so bad
To see the strength that I have shown

When you answer the door, pick up the phone
You won't find me because I'm not coming home

I think that's it for right now.

Next update: Thanksgiving (hopefully)

PS -- as always, I got a brand new phone. Motorola SLVR L6... in pink!!! Yeah, buddy!!



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