Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Let Go

Current Listening: Baby Come Back To Me by Vanessa Hudgens
Current Mood: Quiet

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and 75% percent of that is due to upcoming finals which make me nervous and excited at the same time.

The remaining 25% just has me... well, I think I'm finally moving on.

It all started about a month ago. At a last ditch effort to try to get in touch with Brett (before this, I haven't heard from my *supposed* boyfriend in quite a while), I swore I would never call him again if he didn't answer this one phone call.

Weird thing, he did answer. My heart practically stopped.

He tried to explain the lack of communication. Although he did love me, he would rather have me be mad at him and move on with my life than stick around when he only has a few months to live. You see, he was diagnosed with colon cancer a few months ago and originally, it was only supposed to be a few months of chemo, but now it's terminal.

The thing was... I didn't want to let go... just not now. I wanted to stay because... well, that's what a loving, caring girlfriend does. Most people said that even though he wanted me to move on, I should stay because I did love him that much to want to.

Call after call, text after text, he refuses to answer, but I refused to stop caring.

Until this morning. I don't know what happened, but I just woke up and I just didn't care anymore.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I threw out/deleted everything that reminded me of him and... NOTHING.

No crying. No screaming. NO-FUCKING-THING!!!

Okay, I didn't delete EVERYTHING. I'm quite fond of the Chicklet Show podcast and Dr. G's voice sounds like Brett.

So, yeah. I don't care anymore. Sure, he's gonna die soon, but I'm only fulfilling his last request of me and there's no turning back.

Here's some random pics because I really don't want to study for my lab exam.

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Me and Derek. I don't know... this is kinda sexy. And look, you can see my cleavage. LOL.

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I don't know about you, but this is kinda hot. Kinda like how straight guys are facinated by girls kissing and whatnot... except I'm not at all interested in the "whatnot" between these guys. But the kissing's hot.

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Me and Ellie when she was here. I think we were drunk and I totally miss her. Honey, you need to come back so we can have more jagerbombs.

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Sebastian and I during Gay Pride weekend. I hate Sebastian. He's hotter than me. LOL.

That's it, kids. Until next time... Ciao!!!



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